Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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