My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
