mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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