Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
