I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
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