every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
