I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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