Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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