I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
