i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Where is the hickey?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
