I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
