My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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