sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
