All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
