We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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