I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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