I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
