I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
