did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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