Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
