he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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