I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I forget how to act sober
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
