I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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