Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
