i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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