I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
