Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We got so high we made milksteak
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize