I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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