I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
