That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize