Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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