Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
