I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
