well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
