yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
home. puking in laundry basket.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
