She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
