I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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