I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
