and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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