saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
