Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
