Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Fuck appropriateness.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
