As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
