Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
