ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
