we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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