Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
