I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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