i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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