i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
