What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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