somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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