it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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