She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I want to be your penis for a week.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
