Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
