I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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