Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
