if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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