Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
