just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
