Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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