hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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