Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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