just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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