the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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