I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Congratulations! We have a period
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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